♥ + ∞ = †

First of all, if you are reading this - thank you. I was thinking about typing this up here… I don’t know if it’s a good idea… but I guess it’s good to have a place to put my thoughts out there. Anyway… sometimes I don’t get it. I seriously think everyone is really lucky. I am not saying that I am not lucky… but it’s just… everyone around me just seems to be treated so well. They don’t really have to worry about anything other than their grades, family, and friends. I feel like… I have to do everything by myself. I even feel so lonely sometimes. I have to take care of my own family, my own citizenship, passport, money, job, just everything. And - it seems no matter how much I pour out for others, nothing ever comes back. Don’t get me wrong - I certainly do NOT expect anything back… it’s just sometimes during my down time… I wish someone would cheer me up. Maybe a word, maybe a phrase. Maybe a surprise. To be honest, I get sort of jealous when someone gets so much love from people. I think about how I never get that kind of love from people. But then… it’s really bad to have that kind of thought. I really do get jealous. It doesn’t mean that I am not happy for them… I just get a bit jealous… and I ask myself why can’t my life be like that as well? I also think that everyone so much better than me. They are so much prettier, talented… they get so much attention without trying. I don’t know what I am talking about anymore. I don’t deserve anything, so I am going to stop here.