♥ + ∞ = †

Literally, two more weeks of school.

I am so tired.

I am definitely looking forward to the weekend. 

Time to work my butt off.

God, You are definitely taking care of my grades. I could see it. Wow.

You lost yourself in finding out
the wonders of the world will let you down
You gave yourself to those who never cared about your soul
They only cared for their own
It seems everyone has left you

Ever since after Sunday, my heart was burdened with the question why. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to read the Bible, to pray like the last time. But sometimes doing same thing won’t help the same situation, because things don’t work the same way twice (If you had seen Narnia, you know what I mean). I was filled with restlessness, tiredness, agony. Yesterday, I finally confronted Ryan about my feelings. Although he told me that we could get through this and we are not breaking up, my heart was still trying to heal from the hurt. This afternoon, I was laying on my bed, trying to get peace by praying. When I closed my eyes, I heard this voice coming from my heart.

My dear Holy, please don’t be sad. Your heart was made to love people. Your heart was made to be like mine. You know that people will hurt your heart, but you still choose to love. I gave my love to the whole world, and I know that they will break my heart. You are going through what I went through. You were made this way. My dear Holy, please don’t give up.

After hearing the voice, I started to think about my relationship with God. Although you can’t touch or hear God, but it is the peace and the joyfulness that God gives when you think of Him. This is love. God can’t physically be there for you, but you know that He is thinking of You, He is everywhere, He would never give up on you. Although Jesus is physically standing in Heaven, which is the furthest distance away from us (the only to get there is death), He still thinks of me, loves me. So this really proves that distance doesn’t matter in love. It never was for Jesus. After thinking of all that, I fell asleep. Three hours later, I woke up in peace and joyfulness. I bet God brought me to be in His arms during the three hours.

God, I love you so much. Your love is true. The most true.

It’s so scary to think about how much agony and anxiety that I am going to face after two months. I know that I will be alright, but I don’t know what to do. Things don’t work the same twice.

It’s so hard to find any close friend in college. Some of you may not understand, but it’s extremely hard when you go to a commuting college. This is a good chance to get closer to God… and not get distracted.

from God. Nothing beats His love.

I know it’s only been 2 days since I posted my previous post, but God’s definitely been working in my life and listening to my complains, rants, just everything. Surprisingly, I didn’t hear from people that I thought they would reply. BUT! What’s even more surprising is that I did receive a lot of encouragements from people that I totally didn’t expect from. This makes me realize that there are people behind me, cheering for me, supporting me. Haha, please don’t get me wrong! I still love my friends even though they didn’t respond :) I actually really learn to love them more. Life is really full of surprises if you let God lead you. I never thought I would be wanting to become a doctor today. I never thought I would ever meet a guy like Ryan. I never thought I would ever accomplish something. But this year, God’s been blessing me with confidence and courage to do things. I am truly blessed. I am truly blessed with people around me. Just like one of my friends said, “Everyone is blessed in a different way.”

I love you guys, and I am cheering for you guys :)

After being extremely mad yesterday and this morning, God gave me the comfort that I never had before. I feel like feel falling into God’s hand. His hands, mighty mighty hands, are warm and comfortable. 

He means everything to me.

Thank You, Lord.